Right here we go prepare for a mammoth edition of this blog, every year the metal community and general audiophiles such as myself will get extra nerdy and compose ranked lists of their favourite albums of the year and i have a raging music nerd boner which will only be soothed by writing what i can only guess to be one of my longest pieces yet but i shall try and keep it short so i don’t wear my fingers down to the bone, without further ado i’m going to start off with a little niche thing i do and name my top 5 EP’s of the year as often these small releases get over looked and contain some of the best music out there, my favourite release of last year was an EP Corelia’s Nostalgia, so strap in for the ride bitch tits! 😉
5 – Knife Party – Rage Valley
Yes the first entry in this thing is a dubstep album, take this with a pinch of salt though as the list will get alot heavier. Knife party is basically what the two masterminds behind Pendulum are now doing as it’s cheaper than touring with a full band yet they will still be able to fill the venues. This album explores a heavier electronic side than Pendulum incorporating dubstep along with the familiar elements of drum and bass. This is also in the list for the pure amount of times i have lost my shit in clubs to it and started moving like Ricky Gervais in the office.
4 – Mikill Pane – You Guest It
Yes a Hip-Hop album, i’m not really a metalhead to be honest, i just pretend to be so i can save on hair cuts and don’t have to bother about tanning. If you haven’t heard of Mikill Pane i almost guarantee you will have this time next year, the minute his debut album Blame Miss Barclay drops his face will be plastered all over television and his songs on constant repeat on the radio. Mikill has friends in high places and as you can see from this album cover it’s packing chart royalty in the forms of Example, Ed Sheeran and Paloma Faith. This EP was practically the sound track to my summer i enjoyed nothing more than whacking this on and walking around in the blazing heat before meeting my friends, although it wont have the same emotional association with you Mikill offers and array of thoughtful emotive lyrics presented with fantastic timing and pace.
3 – Hacktivist – Self Titled
Finally something heavier for you scallywags, the new Hacktivist album is the new rejuvinated bastard child of the age old rap rock cross over, but this is no Bring The Noise and no Limp Bizkit this is two of the most extreme forms of each genre Djent and Grime meeting in a glorious unholy union of fornication. The rhythmic structures on this EP are amazing and i always find my self doing the “Phil Anselmo nod” when the heavy parts kick in. I’m pretty convinced Hacktivist won’t blow up despite the tremendous efforts of Radio 1 to promote them, it just seems too forward thinking for the meandering public who would rather dribble into their own belly button whilst watching the X Factor but odds are you’re open minded if you’re reading this, now excuses get on it.
2 – Down – Down IV
Talking of Phil Anselmo Nods, who better than to originate them than the man himself. Down 4 is an absolute solid release from start to end and tracks like Witchtripper and Open Coffins will be staples for the live set in the future. I was lucky enough to see Down in October and they put on a hell of a show the tracks of this album were on a parallel with the material from Nola, which is not only my favourite Down album but probably in my top 5 albums of all time. From Phil’s dark gritty vocals and New Orleans wail to Pepper and Kirks crunchy guitar this EP is an absolute cracker.
1 – Issues – Black Diamonds
Judging an album by it’s cover can be a tricky affair, to me this cover screams math metal, it looks like something a supergroup of Dillinger Escape Plan and Converge would put out, however what is on the disc inside you ask? What can only be described as R’n’B Metal. This album takes the absolute best parts of R’n’B and fuses them with possibly the worst parts of metal, if you’re being a purist, this is the sort of album i know i should absolutely despise but it sunk it’s hooks deep into me and i am a converted man, from the dubstep and rap interludes, djent sounding guitars and BIG vocal melodies this EP is nothing but fantastic. It plays in a smooth linear transition and seems to have been pieced together meticulously and sounds like like what would happen if Justin Timberlake, Asking Alexandra and Meshuggah all had and orgy in some sort of Swedish sauna, i’m hooked.
Right now it’s time to move onto the big one my albums of the year, on a side note i found out my parents had been reading this blog for months, i didn’t think they were so fond of swearing and the male genitalia, thus explains the change in url. Right on with the big one my top 20 albums this year.
20 – Orange Goblin – Eulogy For The Damned
Starting off on the right foot Orange Goblin have claimed 20th place in this prestigious list, i tell you there was some stiff competition in this years list, my initial list reached 26 albums but doing a top 25 would be cheating so this lovely peace of metal stonery sludge made the list, spurred on by their excellent support slot and the Down show i had previously mentioned, big opening tunes on this album such as “Red Tide Rising” and “Stand For Something” are enough to give a balls out performance and enough to carry it though to beastly tracks such as “The Fog” if the Down EP tickled your fancy and you could do with a booster this is a logical step in the right direction.
19 – Muse – The 2nd Law
I have to say i loved the worlds reaction when this album was released, the prog community grimaced as Muse tried to do something without beards and introduce dubstep into the mix. The NME community accused them of selling out for it whilst fucking their own siblings. However this is Muse doing what they do best, being that prog even prog fans don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing. This album is a smouldering pot or creativity and can only really be hailed as the next Queen, there’s Freddie all over this album. However this album is in the lower half of my scale as personally i think it would be better if the first six songs were an EP, the album goes a bit wayward after survival and U2 influences start to creep in, the album also ends with the two dubstep heavy songs, hopefully as you can see by my next selection i am not adverse to dubstep or dance music but it has to be done well, something i feel Mr Bellamy didn’t deliver on.
18 – DJ Fresh – Nextlevilism
Here is another album that has made it into my list simply for the sheer amount of times i have danced like a tit to it in low end nightclub establishments, songs like Louder, Hot Right Now and Gold Dust succeed in turning my “give a fuck” meter all the way down and my “dance like a wanker” meter to maximum levels resulting in a smouldering heap of me trying to dance like i’m a fat backing dancer for diversity, this album however does have some staying power and has been one of the few dance albums i have enjoyed in previous years, the only two comparable being No More Idols by Chase And Status and The Prodigy’s Invaders Must Die, this album is a valiant effort, but odds are if you’re reading this, it’s probably not your cup of tea.
17 – Lunar C – Sewer Side Sex
I’m cheating a bit with this one, mainly due to the fact it was released as a mixtape and not a proper album, thus it’s a collection of offcuts and singles but it’s a nice package. For those of you who don’t know Lunar C is a rapper whom rose up the ranks in the Don’t Flop battle league before trying to focus on his music more, the young guy is pissed off with the world and has a dark sense of humour the equivalent o f Frankie Boyle, but luckily he doesn’t have a Scottish accent so he sounds genuine over a beat. The heartfelt track Obstacles with Dot Rotten is a stand out track however more on the radio friendly end of things, for the dark wit of Lunar Reality Check and Bozo are some of his best pieces of work, i’m not claiming to know anything about rap music but i enjoy this and i’m sure many afficianado would put MGK’s Lace Up in this place, but hey it’s my list so i can rate and slate who i like.
16 – 3 Inches Of Blood – Long Live Heavy Metal
Yes i know this isn’t the correct album cover but it came up on the google images search whilst writing this article and well it pretty much captured my attention, felt it’s only fair to share it, she can be my metal woman anyday. Yes the band who Destroyed The Orcs are back and Cam Pipe’s vocals are as sexy as ever channeling his inner King Diamond, the musicianship on this album sounds like Iron Maiden on cocaine and is just one of the most perfect classically styled metal records going, tracks like Leather Lord and Die For Gold get the blood pumping, bring me my patch jacket and gauntlet and i will throw my stage moves to this anytime. Great work lads.
15 – Gojira – L’enfant Sauvange
Right i’m putting this out there easiest way to say it, Gojira are THE best French band to ever exist. Justice, David Guetta and Alcest can all go back to their respective groups, this is a blog for metal, by a metal fan for hopefully metal fans. Le L’Enfant Sauvage is as heavy as it sounds, as heavy as an elephants sausage ergo this album is as heavy as an elphants dick, which i can only presume is pretty damn hefty. This album is tight and atmospheric in all the right places in equal doses when it needs to be. However the reason why this album is not higher up the list is because i feel it’s very front loaded, to me once i have listened to the first four songs i get a little bit bored and want to switch albums, i don’t know whether thats because it’s too perfect or because the track spacing is poor, only you can decide.
14 – The Darkness – Hot Cakes
Talk about comebacks, admitted this album could be in here simply for the album artwork for two reasons boobies and pancakes, possibly two of my favourite things in the world and throw syrup on them and i have an instaboner, however what kept me after the art work were the tunes contained on this album, solid balls to the wall rock ‘n’ roll you can’t complain, however i would have to point out two things, if you’re thinking of obtaining this get the deluxe edition, two of the best songs are on it “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Love” and “Cannonball” why they didn’t make the original track listing is beyond me. The only other disappointment is the production, it seems a little flat, but this might be amended when i pick up a vinyl copy sometime. But it could also be due to how the music industry has changed since they released their last album and had to do this on a shoe string budget. Eitherway get it down you!
13 – Anaal Nathrakh – Vanitas
Well here we go the heaviest album in my list and probably the heaviest of the year in my opinion this sounds AS NECRO AS FUCK! and if you aren’t down with industrial black metal lingo it means it’s a rather splendid album, personally i’m thinking this album got a bit screwed over between the time i made this list and the time i got to writing up to this point. Vanitas is a fantastic pinnacle of aggression, pin point accuracy and a fusion of industrial elements with black metal and best of all it comes straight out of my home town of Birmingham i doubt Dave Hunt and co are reading this but if you are keep going. I was lucky enough to see Anaal Nathrakh for the second time this month and well the show consisted of 100 bald men fighting in what can only be described as a dungeon i put this down to the opening band being “Joseph And The Fritzls.” The final nail in the coffin for this album is scream at the end of “lead single” “Foraging Towards The Sunset” that nail sees this album sealed up and hoisted into the depths below to become a landmark for necro albums, possibly my favourite Nathrak release yet.
12 – Testament – Dark Roots Of Earth
Up to 12 this is flying by, kudos if you stuck with this it’s that long i don’t even think i can be bothered to proof read this before posting it. I’m a sucker for thrash and this is where the new Testament album clocks in, many of you may be scratching your heads and wondering why isn’t the Kreator album in this slot? Well simply because when it comes to replay value it’s vocal hooks that keep me coming back Mille’s screams are a little lost on be but Chuck Billys deep gnarled harmonies and hooks butter me up in the right way although this album is a slight step down from 2007’s Formation Of Damnation it’s is still above solid think of it as And Justice For All… following Master Of Puppets, it’s that sort of set up. “Native Blood” and “Man Kills Mankind” will hopefully become setlist staples into Testaments already illustrious career true masters of practicing what they preach.
11 – While She Sleeps – This Is The Six
Best British release of the year? Sorry Shikari. I think While She Sleep’s had a lot to live up to with this album it was hyped to the point of becoming stale throughout August and September. While people may write this off as music for 16 year old lads who like wearing vests and have an excess of fringe, it’s actually a fantastic album the riff work on this album is key and makes up for the sad piano and over used gang vocals that hardcore kids seem to love, but whats underneath is a fire breathing metal monster tracks like “This Is The Six” “Plague Of A New Age” and “False Freedom” have riffs capable of punching a giant in the dick hard enough to make him puke the village he has just consumed back out. It’s an absolute banger and i need to see the While She Sleeps lads sometime soon, probably whilst getting kicked in the head by a 14 year old girl crowd surfing but it’s worth it.
10 – Lamb Of God Resolution
Right this album appears to be a sinker in most peoples lists for some reason, but i am hear to wave it’s flag and it’s not because of all of Randy’s legal complications it’s because it’s an absolute fucking banger. Tracks like “Desolation” “Ghost Walking” and “Cheated” will rip you a new hole. This album seeps snarling punk rock fervor within Randy’s vocals powered by a gleaming metal machine of tight insane riffage and drumming. The album ultimately climaxes on King Me a orchestra laden beast which could easily be the soundtrack to someones downfall in a film albeit meeting their demise via a sledgehammer to the face, but that point stands non the less.
9 – Meshuggah – Koloss
Right into single digits now, getting exited anyone? Well if you don’t want to spoilt it all i have to say is Do Not Look Down! and with that terrible pun i can talk about another album. Meshuggah means crazy in yiddish, so with that tidbit i hope you can see where this review is going. Meshuggah seem to have been doing what they always do, hiding up in the tiny village of Umëa crushing onyx with their bare hands, this album downright dominates tight mechanical 8 string grooves who’s purpose only exists to mindfuck you. Along with Gojira they are the tightest live band i have ever seen, a man also managed to record the whole of in life is death on his mobile phone, how hench. Thats what Meshuggah does to people, get with it!
8 – Halestorm – The Strange Case Of…
Well here we are at number eight, the only entry into my list with a female on record, who says metal is a male dominated genre? Right to avoid looking like a sexist pig i will refrain from talking about Lzzy Hales bottom and talk about her banshee like voice instead, this girl gives me the chills, she is the female Sebastian Bach and can overdrive her voice like there’s a tubescreamer pedal behind it i want to say the band behind it are solid aswell, but without Lzzy’s voice behind that material i think i would probably just let it pass me by like Canadian douche-bags Nickleback and Theory Of A Deadman. If you like future stadium rock this is your bag, Halestorm will explode on their next album especially if it’s as good as this, just you watch.
7 – Tantara – Based On Evil
Last thrash entry of the list however before we resume i want to give out two shout outs to two thrash albums that destroyed me this year but didn’t make the list Sylosis – Monolith of which you can read a previous review of and Paradox – Tales Of The Weird which would have made this list if it wasn’t released after i had made it. Right back to the might Tantara who i would say are Norway’s finest young band the first thing i want to say about this album is that it was mastered by the master Flemming Rasmussen who’s previous work includes Ride The Lightning, Master Of Puppets, …And Justice For All. Along with two other thrash opuses Artillery’s By Inheritance and Evile’s Enter The Grave all of which are thrash masterpieces. The young Norwegians however bring the heat as well with complex riff laden material capable of out confusing Justice period Metallica. This album is capable of bursting ear drums and causing 15 teen pregnancies in a venue bathroom get on it!
6 – Wintersun – Time I
This album took 8 years to be released, luckily i didn’t have the agonizing wait as i got into them straight after downloading a copy of this result! But yes Time I is part of a two part series the second released in 2013, however i think they’re cheating a little as this one only clocks in at around 40 minutes which some bands have released EP’s of the same length but what it lacks in length it makes up for in quality. This album is about as epic as it gets pallets of folk, metal, black metal, orchestration and general sexyness form to create an absolute masterpiece, this is the sort of album you can listen to a hundred times and still find little nuances in the music, i strongly recommend picking this one up.
5 – Deftones – Koi No Yakan
When Stephen Hill described the new Deftones album as Lionel Messi he couldn’t be more right, his analogy states that the ideas and thought were there but the practical application was lacking due to funds and lack of studio technology at the time. However they smashed it with Diamond Eyes in 2010 and only promise to deliver an effort just as splendid on this album. From sexy bounce to melancholic etherial trances this album delivers across all playing fields. Especially on the tracks “Entombed” and “Gauze” which are my favorites and provide a good cross section of the album. This is the sort of album NME can fist them selves silly over which is the only shame, i wish NME thought Deftones were shit, their credibility would be through the roof them.
4 – Enabler – All Hail The Void
Well here we go number 4 the pissed off sound demon fury wanking within a white vinyl which i own, all so hipster isn’t it? This album though sounds like what would happen if Cancer Bats and Pantera got in a fight. It’s one of those rare hardcore albums where every song is an actual anthem despite having no anthemic qualities. Enabler are also criminally underrated they’ve had a little radio 1 air play but only have around 5000 fans on their facebook page. Like Corelia was last year they are the small unknown band of the year who just decides to slay all the giants at their own battle. Shoutouts to “Fuck Today” “All Hail The Void” and “No Deliverance” on this album though they will kill your dog, rape your wife and burn your house down. Raw passions and intensity.
3 – Devin Townsend – Epicloud
Sound the fanboy alarm bitches! Just to start off i would like to point out i am in the music video for the song “Lucky Animals” at 1:03 in the bottom right hand corner, i am better than you, suck it! Yes Devin is one of my all time heros, why he isn’t at number one is probably easier to talk about rather than why i love this album but before i go into detail i just want to say this is an amazing work and is life changing music if applied right. Devin has been with me many years now and has picked me up from my lowest lows and been there to celebrate with me at my high moments, his music will never leave my life. But yes now to why this isn’t my number one, for one thing i wanted to give another artist a chance and secondly is this album is more targeted to four minute pop songs and i feel there are one or two songs on this album that don’t meet the devy mark of perfection that being said “Where We Belong” is my second favourite song of the year and the breakdown riff from “More” is my favourite riff of the year. I just want to conclude by saying Devin i love you.
2 – The Safety Fire – Grind The Ocean
Right here we got number 2 odds are you can see number 1 by now bask in the PROG METAL GLORY. Yes The Safety Fire have taken my number 2 spot with their blinding release grind the ocean. This album is sort of a mix between Protest The Hero and Meshuggah, it;’s has the djent tone but all the techincal guitar work and the nice soaring vocals only capable of an absolute genius outfit. I was lucky enough to see these lads support Gojira in july and would have blown them off the stage if they weren’t supporting the heaviest matter in the universe but the fact they held their own is testament to how good they are, bring on album 2 lads, i’m foaming at the lips.
1 – Periphery -Periphery 2
Here we go numero fucking uno. Misha Mansoor and Spencer Sotelo are hear to shit on everyone this year by a mile. This album is not only the best album of the year, but it’s also one of the best albums i’ve heard in the last few years. What i like about this album is you can really see the progress from the first album where it was more guitar orientated this time they wrote anthems with amazing guitar. This album clearly shows why Periphery are one of the hottest bands around at the moment and personally if they carry on this trajectory i could see them at least becoming the next Dream Theater or possibly even bigger in years to come. I have to give a shout out to “Scarlet” which is a reworking of a Haunted Shores song and is also my most played song of the year and my favourite song. “Facepalm Mute” is also phenomenal aswell with Spencers vocal chords tap dancing on the beat making his range look effortless. The album also features guest solos Guthrie Govan, Wes Hauch and guitar player Jake Bowen’s uncle John Petrucci, the best guitarist ever to have lived for my money. The album also has nice ambient interludes between songs which add a little touch and make the fluidity of the album absolutely phenomenal. I cannot recommend this album enough if it were a woman i would marry it and start a big family so i could spend the rest of my life with it.
One last note, i would like to say thank you to Adele this year for being less of a complaining bitch and doing a song for a film meaning she cannot warble about being fat, ginger or having any of her ex’s leave her. If you made it this far i just want to say i love you, it took me the best part of three weeks to write this article and blood, sweat and tears have gone into it.
Until next time fuckers! 😉
I Get Angry At Things 